True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
COCAINE IS GR8
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
