I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
