Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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