All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
