someone get that fucking seahorse.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
