And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
