Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
