i may or may not be watching the land before time
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
