Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
