Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
