Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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