All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
