Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
