So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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