fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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