We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
