thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
