Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize