wakey wakey hands off snakey
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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