I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
