His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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