White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize