So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
