it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize