The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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