Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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