I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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