There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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