Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
