turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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