She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
