I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
