You're so nebulous sometimes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
