You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
