I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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