I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
