Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
