That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
