my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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