nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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