Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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