he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
