the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
