haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
