angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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