Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
