I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
