I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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