i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
