I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
