if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
