Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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