i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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