Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
