I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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