I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
