You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have tasted many bathrooms
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