Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
