i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
