Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Farmville is her only friend.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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