I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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