its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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