Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
