your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
sex in a hospital.. check
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
