i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
