Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize