I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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