she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
