The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize