they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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