you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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