i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
