your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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