I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize