Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
