It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
