nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He kissed a someone with a penis
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
