ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
