there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
