I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
