My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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