I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
