oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
