I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
