i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
