just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
