Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
