help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
