just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
