she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
