Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
