I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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