Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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