Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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