My hand turned me down
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize