I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
