It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize