The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
