My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
