I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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