worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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