am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
