I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
