some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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