Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
