I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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